Photos by José A. Guzman Colón
Halloween 2020 isn’t what we thought it was going to be, but that doesn’t mean you can’t spend the month getting a little spooky. Lucky for us, San Francisco legend and drag icon Peaches Christ is making sure the holiday spirit stays alive with their new “Screaming Telegrams” service.
Presented by Christ and professional haunt producer David Flower Productions, the same people that launched Terror Vault at the San Francisco Mint in 2018, this new offering gives you the opportunity to send San Francisco residents COVID-safe screaming telegrams.
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Over at @terrorvaultsf, we are thrilled to present our first-ever Screaming Telegram service! Disappointed we can’t open Terror Vault this season we still wanted to offer something festive to celebrate Halloween. Order a screaming telegram and have one of our terrifying Terror Vault clowns deliver a COVID-safe personalized message to your chosen victim in San Francisco. A scary Clown will arrive on-site to surprise the recipient with a song, some balloons, and a nightmare-inducing scream! Plus, you can choose to add a booze bag of premium holiday liquor, cupcakes, used porno mags, and more! Visit www.terrorvault.com to send a screaming telegram!
“We actually had the idea to do it last year but just couldn’t pull it together,” Christ told Gloss. “The idea came to me after watching the documentary ‘Wrinkles The Clown’ where parents in Florida were hiring this creepy, old clown to scare misbehaved children. Of course, I loved this concept and then I actually did a ‘Meals on Heels’ food delivery night for Oasis and it occurred to me that this would be the perfect year to make it happen.”
Once you order a screaming telegram, one of the terrifying Terror Vault clowns will deliver a socially distant, personalized message to your chosen victim. A scary clown will arrive on-site to surprise the recipient with a song, some balloons, and a nightmare-inducing scream! It’s the perfect Halloween gift for any friend or foe of your choice.
“The horror of the real world is so overwhelming right now between the pandemic, the election, the fires, etc. that if we could we’d just walk around screaming in horror at the latest news,” Christ said. “Instead, we use things like horror movies and haunted attractions as a release for all that pent up anxiety. Like laughter, screaming is healing – just be sure you do it while wearing your mask. I do hope that our Screaming Telegrams can offer some fun, silly, spooky reprieve from the depressing reality of our collective October this year. “
In addition to a fun spook, you can also order a fun add-on for your telegram victim. This way they can enjoy some cupcakes or a bottle of “Halloween Hooch” after they’re done with their terrifying clown experience.
Learn more about this spooky service over at terrorvault.com!